Happy November to our BCL readers!
Everyone likes being respected. Indeed, true or perceived lack of respect and direct disrespect have been the root cause of conflict and estrangement between people, countries, and, most of all, God and humans. What does proper and loving respect entail, and how are Christians to view respect in light of the cross of Jesus Christ? In this month’s newsletter, Dan explores how the Fifth Commandment encompasses respect for everyone in our lives, Ayrian shares why gentleness and respect should mark all speech in which Christians engage, and Le Ann engages with well-meaning attempts to show respect to everyone in the church by opening up ecclesiastical titles to women. To God alone be the glory!
In Christ,
Le Ann Trees, Managing Editor
Dan Rowlands, Content Editor
Ayrian Yasar, Associate Editor
Sadly, in popular culture today there are few signs of what it means to respect other people. Whether it is between politicians, actors, and other media personalities, or between students and teachers, consumers of television and the internet seem to thrive on showcasing anger and insults to a world ready to glory in disrespect. For a Christian though, disrespect is unacceptable. We are to keep our emotions under control (e.g., Matt. 5:22; 2 Tim. 1:7) and show respect to others.
Respectful behavior is grounded in humility.
The English word “respect” means to have high regard for someone or something, to esteem and honor them, and see them as important and worthy of deference. In Scripture, respect is translated from a few words that mean honor, showing deference to another especially in terms of a special status or position of authority, and fear in terms of reverence toward another—that is respect for others, to honor them. (Respect and honor are words closely related enough that I will be using them interchangeably.)
Philippians 2:3 is a good example of respect in action when Paul instructs,
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.
Respectful behavior is being grounded in humility while honoring others as more important than ourselves. Yet, the Word of God teaches there is also a particular hierarchy of authority in terms of respect for others.
For example, Romans 13:7 is one part of a broader section in Scripture on how a Christian should relate to civil authority:
Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed (emphasis added).
The Fifth Commandment encompasses much more than honoring one’s father and mother.
What is at work here in regard to respect and honor for others, however, is merely one aspect of the wider implications of the Fifth Commandment to “honor your father and your mother” (Exod. 5:12).
The Westminster Larger Catechism teaches from the whole of Scripture what it means to honor and respect others. Firstly, it addresses
Q. Who are meant by father and mother in the fifth commandment?
A. By father and mother, in the fifth commandment, are meant, not only natural parents, but all superiors in age and gifts; and especially such as, by God’s ordinance, are over us in place of authority, whether in family, church, or commonwealth.
In 1 Peter 2:17 we are commanded to “honor everyone.” In Paul’s letter to the Romans he clearly writes, “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor” (Rom. 12:10). Even as we respond, “...to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you…,” we are to “...do it with gentleness and respect” (1 Pet. 3:15). Scripture plainly teaches that we are to show respect to others who are either in positions of authority over us or who challenge our beliefs as Christians. We are to honor everyone in humility as we regard others more significant than ourselves (Phil. 2:3).
We are commanded to respect all who are in authority over us.
Secondly, Question 127 focuses particularly on those who are in authority over us:
Q. What is the honour that inferiors owe to their superiors?
A. The honour which inferiors owe to their superiors is, all due reverence in heart, word, and behavior; prayer and thanksgiving for them; imitation of their virtues and graces; willing obedience to their lawful commands and counsels; due submission to their corrections; fidelity to, defence, and maintenance of their persons and authority, according to their several ranks, and the nature of their places; bearing with their infirmities, and covering them in love, that so they may be an honour to them and to their government.
The Word of God clearly teaches that we are to honor (that is to show respect) our parents and our superiors (Exod. 20:12; Mal. 1:6; Eph. 6:1-2) and older persons (Lev. 19:32). We show respect to superiors when we pray for all who are in authority as God commands (1 Tim. 2:1-2). The elders who rule over us in our churches are worthy of double honor (1 Tim. 5:17) and those who manage and lead us in work endeavors are to be shown respect through obedience, which is
well-pleasing, not argumentative, not pilfering, but showing all good faith, so that in everything they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior. (Tit. 2:9-10)
The last phrase of Titus 2:10 gives the reason: By our respectful and honoring actions, the teaching of God gains credibility and is demonstrated to be good and pleasant, which honors him.
We are commanded to respect all who are under our authority.
Yet, what about those who are subordinate to us either as friends and family or in work and other similar situations? The Westminster Larger Catechism question 129 provides helpful teaching from Scripture. Husbands are to love and honor their wives (1 Pet. 3:7) as wives are to love and respect their husbands (Col. 3:19; Eph. 5:33; Tit. 2:4).
In work situations we are to respect those under our responsibility by treating them justly and fairly (Col. 4:1). 1 Peter 2:17 is an excellent summary:
Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.
Be counter-cultural by counting others more important than yourself.
Regardless of the status and authority of others or ourselves, respecting others is God’s command. By doing so we show ourselves to be followers of Christ Jesus, who love him by keeping his commandments (John 14:15). Rather than the disrespect our culture often seems to enjoy showing to others, as Christians we are commanded to be respectful and honoring to those over us and also to those who have been placed under our authority. This honors God and shows respect to him by demonstrating his love in our own behavior.
We show what it means to be a follower of Christ when we are kind and respectful, especially in public. Rather than following popular culture, be counter-cultural by counting others more important than yourself, especially by showing respect and honor toward one another.
But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame. (1 Peter 3:14-16)
Christians can be easily drawn into behavior that does not line up with their high calling as disciples of Jesus Christ.
Civil conversation is in short demand these days. Whether it’s online or in person, having a calm, thoughtful, and respectful conversation seems to be a rarity. It has become more and more commonplace for in-person conversation to turn into in-person confrontation. Online, the opinions shared in comment sections are often derogatory, insulting, judgmental, and full of unkindness. Online platforms have become a mire pit.
Unfortunately, this online arena is a place where even Christians can be drawn into behavior that does not line up with their high calling as disciples of Jesus Christ. So how should Christians be living and acting so as to have good interactions with others?
The words “gentleness” and “respect” should aptly describe the conversation of a Christian.
The apostle Peter gives Christians a roadmap for interacting with people in this world, especially those who oppose biblical truth. Interestingly, Peter uses the words “gentleness” and “respect” to describe the conversation of a Christian (1 Pet. 3:15). But first the apostle reminds the Christian they will be blessed, even if they experience suffering “for righteousness’ sake” (1 Pet. 3:14).
Suffering does not mean the Christian is doing something wrong. In fact, in the midst of persecution for righteousness, a child of God can still say, “I am blessed.” It is such a comfort for Christians to know that in the midst of persecution, or even a conversation where we are being mocked for sharing God’s worldview, our heavenly Father is still blessing us.
Unsaid is the idea that we should not be suffering for unrighteousness, or vile behavior. Later this is made clear when Peter writes that one of the reasons for living righteously is so that “those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame” (1 Pet. 3:16). Righteousness is to be the mark of the Christian.
Honoring Christ in our hearts means that we must speak the truth, but in such a way that brings glory to Jesus.
Yet Peter doesn’t just tell the Christian, “Be good.” No, he gets to the heart of what should fuel the Christian’s righteous life: honoring Christ Jesus in the heart. If our heart is oriented properly, our interaction with others will flow rightly. If we desire all our actions to be those that proclaim the greatness and goodness of Jesus, we will be able to have discussions that are full of gentleness and respect. Honoring Christ in our hearts means that we must speak the truth, but in such a way that brings glory to Jesus; in fact, we must speak with gentleness and respect.
A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature (BDAG) defines the Greek word for “gentleness” as “the quality of not being overly impressed by a sense of one’s self-importance.” This makes sense as Peter has just told us to honor Christ in our hearts. If we hold him as the most important one, then we will not be “overly impressed” with ourselves. Jesus-awareness causes humble self-awareness, and this naturally decreases a prideful or arrogant way of interacting with others; it is a “gentle” way of speaking to others.
A biblical view of the word respect involves a sense of awe.
The term in Greek that is translated “respect” has the sense of an “intimidating entity, something that is awe-inspiring.” At first, it may seem strange to use this word in reference to a person you might be having a conversation with. However, if we “honor Christ in our hearts,” we will have a biblical view of the person with whom we are talking: he or she is made in the image of God, and “the work of the law [of God] is written on their hearts” (Rom. 2:15)—even if they suppress this knowledge. This person is always accessible to the power of God and in possession of a living soul that is being made either better for heaven or worse for hell. C.S. Lewis describes it this way in his book The Weight of Glory:
It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest most uninteresting person you can talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree helping each other to one or the other of these destinations. (pp. 45-46)
With this in mind concerning the person in front of you, it is an awesome task to be reasoning with a human being. Therefore, let us honor Christ and glorify him by being disciples whose righteous lives point others to the Lamb of God who purchased that righteousness for us by his blood, and use speech that is gentle and respectful as we approach, with humility before God, others who are also made in the image of the Creator of heaven and earth.
When we talk about respect, it’s important to ask: What kind of respect do we mean? Is it the respect Scripture commands us to give those in authority, such as parents, government leaders, pastors, and elders? Is it the fundamental dignity we owe every creature made by God, human and animal? Or is it the type of respect associated with positions of honor, titles, or public recognition?
It is this last category that I want to engage with at present, particularly as it relates to women’s service in the church.
Is a formal title or position necessary for women to serve faithfully in the church?
According to 1 Timothy 3:1-13, God has appointed two ordained offices in his church: elder and deacon (for more Scripture references regarding the appointing of elders and deacons, see also Acts 6:5-6; 14:23; 1 Tim. 4:14; 5:22; and 2 Tim. 1:6).
There is renewed debate in some conservative churches regarding whether women can be functional female officers in the position of “deaconess.” While various progressive denominations have ordained women as elders and deacons for decades, some conservative churches have more recently adopted the practice of “commissioning” deaconesses (female deacons) in a non-ordained capacity.
A growing narrative suggests that Scripture permits women to hold the title of deaconess and that withholding this title prevents some women from fully exercising their God-given gifts, which in turn shows a lack of appreciation and respect for their contributions to the church.
Before going any further, it’s critically important to acknowledge that some women genuinely feel unseen or undervalued in their churches—not because they lack titles but because they lack meaningful relational connection, intentional pastoral care, clear pathways for service, and positive affirmation of their God-given dignity within the church’s biblical structures. Naming this helps us recognize the truly Christ-centered longing women have for faithful shepherding—one that may at times be mistaken for a self-centered pursuit of recognition or position.
I appreciate that many if not most women advocating for female deacons or deaconesses are motivated by a sincere desire to both uphold the dignity of women and bless the church. Likewise, I also appreciate that many if not most women who have served or currently serve as deacons or deaconesses do so with a heartfelt desire to honor Christ and care for his people. Yet, good intentions must always yield to Scripture.
The contrast between glory and the cross sheds light on how Scripture calls us to pursue respect.
Martin Luther’s distinction between a theology of glory and a theology of the cross is helpful when considering how Christians should approach seeking respect in the church. According to Luther in his Heidelberg Disputation (1518), the person holding to a theology of glory
…does not know God hidden in suffering. Therefore he prefers works to suffering, glory to the cross, strength to weakness, wisdom to folly, and, in general, good to evil. These are the people whom the apostle calls “enemies of the cross of Christ” (Phil. 3:18), for they hate the cross and suffering and love works and the glory of works. (Martin Luther, Heidelberg Disputation, Explanation of Thesis 21)
A theology of glory focuses on seeking status, visibility, and the knowledge or honor that belongs to God alone.
A theology of the cross, by contrast, is where we meet Christ in his humility—Christ who “had no form or majesty that we should look at him” (Isa. 53:2), who was “despised and rejected by men” (Isa. 53:3), and who served without seeking earthly titles. As Luther explains, it is the person holding to a theology of the cross who
“…deserves to be called a theologian…who comprehends the visible and manifest things of God seen through suffering and the cross… Because men misused the knowledge of God through works, God wished again to be recognized in suffering… so that those who did not honor God as manifested in his works should honor him as he is hidden in his suffering.”
(Martin Luther, Heidelberg Disputation, Explanation of Thesis 20)
A theology of the cross teaches that God reveals himself not through human strength, wisdom, or visible glory, but through suffering, weakness, and the shame of the cross.
As we seek to faithfully build up the body of Christ in our post-Christian culture, we need to be mindful of how easily worldly assumptions can shape us. Christ calls us to a better way: to love sacrificially and to walk the path of the cross rather than pursuing recognition as the world defines it.
Titles carry leadership and authority implications, which Scripture ties to office.
While there is much more to be said about what the Bible states about holding the title of elder or deacon in Christ’s church, below are a few concise points regarding the topic in relation to whether females can hold either of these titles or the title of deaconess.
The biblical case for male-only elders and deacons remains significantly stronger than those advocating for female elders or deacons/deaconesses (for just a few articles on this topic, please see here, here, and here). Titles carry leadership and authority implications, which Scripture ties to office. Furthermore, historical precedent cannot determine doctrine. While women have served as deaconesses at various times in church history, many other historical practices—such as clerical celibacy, veneration of relics, and prayers for the dead, to name just a few—were later rejected because they contradicted Scripture. The circumstance of deaconesses is no different; historical precedent can never trump the authority of Scripture.
If Scripture neither commands nor clearly demonstrates a practice for the church, we should refrain from instituting it. This is also known as the Regulative Principle of Worship. Such matters are not about competence, giftedness, or godliness. It is about obedience to the pattern Christ has given his church.
Do women need titles to be respected in the church?
Throughout Scripture, we find women who served God faithfully and were honored for their faith, service, and character. None of these godly women held ecclesiastical office during either the old or new covenant eras. Consider these women, listed in chronological order by biblical book (if you think of more women in the Bible who should be added to this list, please leave a comment below!):
Old Testament
Sarah — Gen. 12–23
Shiphrah and Puah — Exod. 1:15–21
Jochebed (mother of Moses) — Exod. 2:1–10; Num. 26:59
Miriam (prophetess, which is not an ecclesiastical office) — Exod. 2:1-10; 15:20–21; Mic. 6:4
Rahab — Josh. 2; 6:22–25; Heb. 11:31; James 2:25
Deborah (judge; prophetess) — Judg. 4–5
Jael — Judg. 4:17–22; 5:24–27
Ruth — Book of Ruth
Hannah — 1 Sam. 1–2
Abigail — 1 Sam. 25
Huldah (prophetess) — 2 Kings 22:14–20
Esther — Book of Esther
The Proverbs 31 woman — Prov. 31:10–31
New Testament
Mary, the mother of Jesus — Matt. 1–2; 12:46–50; Mark 3:31–35; Luke 1–2; John 2:1–12; 19:25–27; Acts 1:14
Mary, mother of James the younger and of Joses — Matt. 27:55-56; Mark 15:40–41, 47; 16:1
Salome — Mark 15:40–41; 16:1
Elizabeth — Luke 1
Anna (prophetess) — Luke 2:36–38
Mary of Bethany — Luke 10:38–42; John 11:1-44; 12:1–8
Martha of Bethany — Luke 10:38-42; John 11:1-44
Mary Magdalene — Luke 8:1–3; John 20:1-18
Joanna — Luke 8:3; 24:10
Susanna — Luke 8:3
Mary, mother of John Mark — Acts 12:12
Lydia — Acts 16:14–15, 40
Priscilla — Acts 18:1-18; Rom. 16:3; 1 Cor. 16:19; 2 Tim. 4:19
Philip’s four daughters (prophetesses) — Acts 21:8–9
Phoebe — Rom. 16:1–2
Mary of Rome — Rom. 16:6
Junia — Rom. 16:7
Tryphena and Tryphosa — Rom. 16:12
Persis — Rom. 16:12
Chloe — 1 Cor. 1:11
Euodia — Phil. 4:2–3
Syntyche — Phil. 4:2–3
Lois — 2 Tim. 1:5
Eunice — 2 Tim. 1:5; Acts 16:1
Apphia — Philemon 1:2
These godly women served and strengthened the church in various wonderful and courageous ways, and Scripture remembers them with profound honor. Not one required a formal title to serve the Lord or to receive the respect of God’s people.
In my own experience, I cannot recall knowing a godly Christian woman who faithfully served her church and community, and yet was not respected.
Jesus is our perfect example of how we are called to love and serve God and our neighbor.
Jesus did not seek the prestigious titles of his day—not Pharisee, not scribe, not ruler. He did not chase honor or insist on public recognition. The King of the universe came down from heaven and was born in the flesh, not to be served but to serve—to the point of allowing himself to be stripped naked, beaten, and nailed to a cross in utter humiliation so that you and I could commune with God in perfect love for eternity.
Since our Lord is our perfect example of how we are called to love and serve God and our neighbor, then Christian men and women alike must guard against the temptation to pursue status, position, or recognition as the world does, and instead pursue humble, cross-shaped faithfulness.
The good structure Christ has given his church exists so that those who do hold office may serve well, while also being held accountable in the shepherding of and ministering to Christ’s flock. This structure was never meant to diminish anyone’s worth. It simply reflects Christ’s wise ordering of his church.
The theology of the cross calls the believer to humble obedience, knowing that our worth is secured in Christ and not in the roles we hold.
Respect for God and others is good, right, and loving; yet, respecting God and others also involves upholding God’s good order for his church. Church leaders must take care not to place female congregants in ecclesiastical roles that Scripture does not expressly authorize.
Christians must never attempt to conform the Bible to the culture; rather, we are called to stand firm in what Scripture teaches as a witness to the world.
In their well-meaning desire to show due respect to God and others, may men and women alike resist the pull toward viewing titles in the church as a measure of worth. May we hold steadfastly to a theology of the cross and walk in the footsteps of our Savior in both his humility and sacrificial love, serving one another gladly in all the ways God has gifted us to do. May we remember that godly respect is rooted in faithfulness, not in office, and that God honors those who walk in loving obedience, whether or not they bear a title.
Featured Article:
Loving our neighbor includes recognizing and honoring the dignity of others, as we should for ourselves, since we are all God’s image-bearers. Yet, we can easily find ourselves in a state of self-loathing or feeling like we don’t matter. Why is it important for us to value and respect ourselves?
What does it mean to “love your neighbor as yourself”?
When a scribe asked Jesus which commandment was the most important of all, Jesus answered,
“The most important is, ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” (Mark 12:29-31)
If we are to love our neighbor as ourselves, we must first know what it means to love ourselves. Read more...
Editor’s note: This newsletter has been updated since its original publishing date.
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